Saturday, June 28, 2014

30 Day Blog - Day 25

Another blog post in the same month? This is madness!

So, after my pity party last week, I got over some of the worst of the depression, I think. Just getting it out there, even if nobody read it, seemed to help. It probably also helps that my husband and I agreed that perhaps some of the depression and anxiety was caused by birth control pills. Specifically, the symptoms that go with them. The not having a baby thing is great, but the low sex hormones, the off kilter cardiac levels, the complete and utter lack of libido, etc are not a great tradeoff. A year ago, I went to a doctor who did every blood test a doctor can do. The only things that were off were my sex hormones, cardiac enzymes, and blood sugar. She said if I only exercised a little, that would fix my blood sugar problems. But the cardiac stuff and the sex hormones? That was all the birth control pills. And I've known for a long time that they affect my moods, because its like all month I'm PMS-ing with weird mood swings, and during the "off week" I feel calmer and more at peace. So, I'm officially not taking birth control pills. We're going to try it with condoms only. I know they aren't as effective as the pill, but if we use them right, they should work until we either decide to have kids or we get a more permanent solution (IUD). And just making the decision to do something, something that might help me feel a little more sane, is already making me feel better.

Anyway. To the 30 day blog!

Day 25- What I would find in your bag.

This one is really, really easy. I don't exactly carry a bag; I carry a wristlet, and sometimes just one of those Vera Bradley change purses. Right now in my wristlet is a Vera Bradley change purse, a pen, a mirror, earbuds, and some keys. And that's it! I also always carry pepper spray on my keys and a knife in my pocket, just in case.

Hopefully, I will finish this 30 day blog thing this year. There's only 5 more to go.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

30 Day Blog - Day 24 (and a pity party)

So. Its been awhile. Again. I've been in a funk for awhile now, and when that happens, I tend to give up the things I enjoy. Like blogging. Listening to music. Discovering new shows to watch. Doctor Who. And reading. I think its been almost 6 months since I last read a book all the way through. I'll start on a new book, and just .... stop reading after a few pages. Its crazy, because I know I'm depressed. I get depressed when I'm bored. And when I'm depressed, I don't want to do anything. But if I don't do anything, I stay bored. Its a horrible cycle. It also might have to do with the fact that in less than a year, I will be 30, and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything in my 30 years alive.

I'm working the same job that I had before I had a college degree. My company has a cap on how much I can make, so I'm making $10/hour even though my evaluation was wonderful. I also feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Again. I worked here before and my primary reason for leaving was to complete my degree, but part of the reason was that I was being taken advantage of. Its starting to happen again. I feel like I can't apply for any jobs, because my husband will graduate from college in less than 6 months, and then he'll get a job, and it might not be in this area, and then I'll have to quit. I also don't want to apply anywhere, because I need this job since I'm the primary bread winner currently, and if I apply anywhere, they might call my boss, and she'll find out I applied somewhere, and I could lose my job.

I also finally realized how much I screwed myself over by getting student loans. Being a first generation college grad in my family, my poor parents couldn't exactly give me advice. And now I'm finding that even though my budget might allow for a personal loan or car payment or even a (small) house payment, I don't qualify for any loans because my debt to income ratio is so screwed until I pay off a significant portion of my student loans. I need a new vehicle, because the car I drive now doesn't have an air conditioner that works properly (and this is south Mississippi, land of intense heat and humidity), and when it rains it leaks into the floorboard, and the ceiling fabric is falling down, and the outside has started to rust through the paint, and it smells like its burning oil, and my temp gauge doesn't work, and and and and. But I can't afford a loan for a vehicle or even to fix this vehicle, because fuck you, you took out student loans to pay for a degree that got you the same job you had before the degree.

So. Yeah. There's more stuff (basically I hate everyone right now because their lives are so. damn. perfect.), but I've thrown this pity party long enough.

Day 24- What is something you crave.

Looks like the pity party can continue. Funny this should be the one for today. What do I crave? I crave a job that I can actually get raises at, so that I can throw as much money at my loans as I can so I can buy a more reliable vehicle. I crave a school for my husband that doesn't randomly drop classes from its offerings so that his graduation date gets pushed 4 months. I crave a landlord that will let us have dogs as well as cats.

What I crave more than anything, though? PATIENCE. There is a part of me that knows in 6 months, my husband will finish that godforsaken degree. And he will get a job that will start paying him at least 2 times as much as we have ever made combined. And we will be able to throw everything we have at our combined loans, and hopefully save up at the same time to pay for a new car without having to take out a loan. But DAMN, the waiting is hard.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Taking advantage

Almost a year ago, I changed jobs. I know. Shocker. I'm well aware I have a tendency to job hop. I get bored easily, what can I say? However, being chewed out by my boss for being introverted was the catalyst that made me change this time. And it just so happened that the physical therapy place I was working for before I quit working to finish school was hiring again for the same position I worked before. I was able to leave the ambulance service and start at the PT place with no break in pay checks. I got back in the swing of things fairly well. 

Now, the PT clinic is corporately owned. And they have some stupid policies, as most corporations do. Most places have a probation period before employees can get on health insurance. I understand why. It's to protect against employees like me, job hoppers. So I do get why places have 30 day probation periods. I even understand the 90 day probation periods. 

The PT clinic has a probation period of one year. I do not understand why. Also, it does not apply to licensed people like the PT's and PTA's. They are able to get on the insurance immediately. So only the receptionists and techs get this ridiculous probationary period. 

Which leads me to the purpose of this post. Why do companies treat the people on the front lines the worst? I used to work retail before getting into healthcare, and I worked as cashier, stock person, and shift manager. And over and over I noticed that the front line people, cashiers, routinely get paid the least, receive the least amount of benefits, and don't get as many raises as the 'behind the scenes' people. It makes no sense. A cashier is usually the first person a customer sees and the last person a customer deals with. And cashiers do see the injustice. Almost all I've ever worked with were unhappy with being treated as the lowest person in the system. That's why some companies have such a high turnover of cashiers.  

Now, in the PT clinic, obviously things are different. I know that the physical therapist is what makes the clinic good. Ultimately, she will make or break the place. But, again, my face is the first and last one a patient sees. And if I'm unhappy, the patient notices. And when the patient notices, for some reason they just don't try as hard in therapy. It's like unhappiness is contagious. And it's not just me. A receptionist at another of our clinics has worked here for 8 years. I mentioned that it must be a good company to work for. Her response: her coworkers were nice, but the company sucks. She feels it doesn't care for its employees. It doesn't even care about helping patients. It just cares about money.

I know some companies are trying to change this. Some have discovered the secret to making more money: happy employees. And I just really wish my PT clinic could understand that.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

30 Day Blog - Day 23

Things have happened in my life recently, but I don't want to get into it all right now. I'm just going to jump right in with 30 Day Blog.

Day 23- What makes you different from everyone else.

While I believe everyone is unique, I also believe that the vast majority of us are a lot alike. Many of us have the same hopes and dreams in life, and most people are just generally good people. So this thing, it took some serious thought to figure out.

I guess what makes me different is the placement of my scars and my little body imperfections. You see, I have moles. Quite a lot of them. One day I will have the money for plastic surgery so I can at least get them off my face (because no amount of makeup will cover them), but right now, they are what makes me different. I'm not saying that I analyze every face I see, but I don't really think I have ever seen anyone with the amount of moles on their face as I do. I am horribly insecure about them, but only when I think about them. Which isn't very often. I shouldn't be insecure, though, because they really do give my face more character and definition than most other people. I also get complimented on being pretty sometimes, so either people don't notice them or they don't care.

And that's all I got for today. As I said, things have happened, and I am just so mentally drained right now that just writing that short amount was difficult. Maybe when I get around to Day 24 I'll have more to say.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Homemade Lenovo Tablet or Kindle Fire Case

For my birthday last year, I got a Lenovo Tablet A1. Its a cute little tablet that fits my needs perfectly. Its fast, has plenty of memory, and is great for browsing the internet. My mother has a Kindle Fire, and they look almost exactly the same.

I've been wanting to get a case for it, but most of the cases I like are usually $30+. And I'm not willing to pay that much unless it is the perfect case. I got the idea in my head last night to just make a case, though.

I've had a journal for a long time that I picked up at a thrift store awhile back. The outside looks like an actual book, but the pages are edged in gold. I've never really had a use for journals; I bought it on a whim, because it was like $5. I decided to use that for a cover.

I googled some, and came across a few tutorials. I gathered hot glue, a cereal box, some fabric, and some elastic. I cut out the pages of the journal and put them with the rest of my craft supplies; maybe one day I will find a use for them. I cut apart a cereal box until I had a shape that was slightly smaller than the journal, then covered it in my fabric by hot gluing the fabric down. I then cut four elastic pieces and hot glued them to my fabric covered cereal box. Finally, I hot glued the whole thing down onto the inside of my journal. Here's the finished product.

The cover doesn't want to stay flat that much right now, and we had that gold elastic ribbon laying around, so I figured it would work for keeping it closed. Turned out pretty good, I think. The elastic isn't as tight as I want it to be, but its keeping the tablet in pretty tight, and I figure by the time the elastic wears out, I'll be ready to spend some money on another case.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Dinner Tonight: Pecan Pie Muffins

Tonight, I made Pecan Pie Muffins. So I guess this is really a Dessert Tonight, rather than Dinner Tonight. The recipe is at the bottom. I didn't have enough pecans on hand, so I halved the recipe.

First, gather your ingredients. Pecans, flour, butter, eggs, and brown sugar.

Next preheat your oven to 350 degrees and prepare your muffin pan. The recipe I used said to grease your muffin pan a lot, but I don't like a lot of clean up, and I'm lazy. So I just used paper muffin cups.

Now, combine your brown sugar, flour, and pecans.

In a separate bowl, blend the eggs and butter.

Then, combine the dry ingredients with the butter/egg mixture.

Fill your muffin cups 2/3 of the way. I didn't fill them up that much, so I ended up getting 9 muffins out of this recipe.

Then put them in the oven for 15-17 minutes.

Once you take the pan out, if you didn't use paper muffin cups, use a knife to pop them out of the pan.

Now, enjoy.

Yum yum. These taste great. They didn't really have a muffin type texture, but it was still delicious. And they came out of the paper muffin cups just fine, as you can see.

Pecan Pie Muffins
makes 12


1 cup packed light brown sugar
½ cup all-purpose flour
2 cups chopped pecans
2/3 cup butter, softened
2 eggs, beaten


Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease mini or regular muffin cups generously, or line with paper muffin cups. Grease them well or they will stick. In medium bowl, stir together brown sugar, flour, and pecans. In a separate bowl, beat the butter and eggs together. Stir in dry ingredients just until combined.Spoon batter into muffin cups about 2/3 full. Bake for 12-13 minutes for mini muffins or 15-17 minutes for regular size muffins. Run a knife around the edge of each muffin and pop it out.

30 Day Blog - Day 22

Remember how I was complaining about my job and whatnot in my last post? Well, I quit. I put in my two weeks notice, and my last day was Friday. Almost immediately after putting in my two weeks notice, my anxiety level went way, way down. I could suddenly sleep again! Color and beauty returned to the world. I started reading and doing my favorite activities again. And my awful headaches that radiated into my teeth? The tooth pain that made me think I must need to have my wisdom teeth removed, finally? Went away completely.

Yes, I am still stressed. I have no job. My husband makes just enough for us to pay our essential bills (rent, utilities, food). But my anxiety level now is nothing, nothing compared to the anxiety I was feeling while still working there. And its also nothing like my anxiety and depression I had last year when I couldn't find a job after graduating. Its like this time, I just know things are going to work out. Maybe now I have more faith in God's plan, or more faith in myself. Or maybe I just don't give a damn about doing things the 'right way' now. You know, doing what society says. Having a big paying job, buying a big house, driving a new car. I also found an article about a couple in Maine who live off of $17000 a year, renting a house for the same amount that we rent ours. Joe makes more than that, so I know that it can be done. The plan at the moment is for me to find a job, even if its part time, so we can continue to pay off my student loans and our credit cards. We hope to be credit card free by the time I'm 30, 35 at the absolute latest. Joe is looking into changing his major and going back to school for Electrical Engineering.

So, now I have all this free time. And since this time I'm not horribly depressed, I have energy and can focus. I'll probably be gardening more, going out more, exercising more and just generally living more. This free time will also allow me to experiment with recipes and such. Tonight I'll be doing just that, so be looking for a cooking post.

Anyway. I've been doing all this rambling because today's 30 Day Blog post doesn't require many words.

Day 22- Share a picture from your day.

These trees are everywhere in my town, and they are all blooming right now. Earlier, I went to pay our water bill, and this tree was outside the building. I parked under this tree, and when I came back outside from paying, the wind was blowing, so all these little white blossoms where swirling around me. It was absolutely beautiful being in the middle of a sky full of them, so I took a picture of the tree to remind myself of the experience.